Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Political Science?

There are rumors that a medical and political first may happen before the upcoming political debates begin. The boost McCain’s flagging campaign got from his improbable selection of Sarah Palin as his VP is now fading. So a new even weirder plan is being hatched. Confidential sources tell The iHandbill that McCain and Palin are to undergo elective surgery to medically join them at the hip with double velcro patches. Dr. Frank N. Stein promises benefit for them both in the coming debates with Senators Obama and Biden. Dr. Stein says the detachable hip connector will share their bile production and other selected abilities through a small incision. Each hip will have small connectors that can be plugged together or unplugged with the velcro patch. Medical insiders report that the surgery runs no risk of rejection because they both share A-negative blood lust. Palin’s radio and TV studies at one of the several colleges she attended will help Senator McCain in reading a teleprompter. Her access to McCain’s repository of decades of political experience, knowledge of history, geography and Washington D.C. would make Palin to seem like she actually knows stuff. Precautions include a former Rove staffer dressed as an adoring fan who would “accidentally” bump into them, disconnecting them in case McCain starts speaking in tongues, or Palin starts telling off-color fighter pilot jokes.
Reportedly Palin will only be allowed to debate while connected to McCain, and will be kept in an undisclosed location while unplugged. Biden would be labeled a liberal elitist whiner if he complained about having McCain plugged in during the VP debate with Palin. McCain will not need to read a teleprompter during his debates so there would be no reason for him to remain connected to Palin. In fact, remaining connected might make him do Palin's cutsie eye blinking, and real mavericks don't blink.

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